{"id":453,"date":"2025-07-17T23:51:45","date_gmt":"2025-07-18T06:51:45","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ryk.groetchen.com\/blog\/?p=453"},"modified":"2025-07-18T00:16:50","modified_gmt":"2025-07-18T07:16:50","slug":"neurodiversity-journey-autism-spectrum","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ryk.groetchen.com\/blog\/2025\/07\/17\/neurodiversity-journey-autism-spectrum\/","title":{"rendered":"neurodiversity journey: autism spectrum"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

TW: expletives<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In my studies since diagnosis with ADHD,<\/strong> I have learned of my aphantasia and proprioception hyposensitivity. I have been participating in support groups with other ND people, and I have come to believe that I may be autistic as well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, I go online to take the Autism Spectrum Quotient<\/strong> test (created by researchers from the University of Cambridge) to see if I’m in the ballpark.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

First question: I am [ ]male [ ]female<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fuck you guys. First question is a bad question. Right away, binary bias. Fuck that shit. That’s what got us where we are. These people don’t know anything. My child and two of their cousins are trans, and not everyone identifies as m or f. Fuck this test.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Second question: I prefer to do things with others rather than on my own. <\/strong>[ ] definitely agree [ ] slightly agree [ ] slightly disagree [ ] definitely disagree<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fuck you guys. Was this test even written by a human? Do things? Who does things as a specific category? What the actual fuck are you talking about? Is square dancing doing a thing? Is pooping doing a thing? I definitely prefer to square dance with others. Fuck square dancing alone. I’ve tried it. It sucks. That being said, stay the fuck away from me when I poop. I hate pooping with others. When I was in jail I had to poop in front of 50 other people, many of whom were waiting to poop themselves. (That needed a comma. They weren’t waiting to poop themselves\u2013they were actually trying to avoid pooping themselves: they were waiting to poop, themselves). You can shut your feelings down, but who wants to do that? Fuck public pooping. Fuck jail for making people poop in public. Fuck this test. What the actual fuck? Over.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Third question: I prefer to do things the same way over and over again.<\/strong> [ ] definitely agree [ ] slightly agree [ ] slightly disagree [ ] definitely disagree<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here’s with the fucking “do things” again. Who the fuck thinks this way? What fucking things? Who decided “do things” was a thing? Oh, the things I would do to that person, the same way, over and over again. If something works, I will do it that way again. If something doesn’t work, I might try to do it the same way again, to see if it was the doing or the thing that was the issue. Did I make the perfect soft-boiled egg? Fuck yes, I will do it the same fucking way over and over again. The fuck? Did I fuck up in a social situation? You’d better believe I will not do that same thing over and over again. I will nope out before that fucking thing is allowed to happen again. Fuck these guys and their “do things”. Let’s see how you do things, fucker.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fourth question: If I try to imagine something, I find it very easy to create a picture in my mind.<\/strong> [ ] definitely agree [ ] slightly agree [ ] slightly disagree [ ] definitely disagree<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oh! Oh! This one’s easy. I have aphantasia. Definitely disagree! But you know what: if you would have asked me this question 6 months ago, I would have (subliminally) interpreted it as “can you describe something that is not in front of you this very moment,” and I would have answered, “definitely agree.” Because I have a plethora of words at my disposal, and languagey memories, I would be all over that shit. Because I have a paraphrasing mind, it would have made perfect sense to answer this way. So this seems like a kind of trap. Fuck traps on tests. Fuck whoever made this fucking test. Next fucking lame question.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fifth question: I frequently get so strongly absorbed in one thing that I lose sight of other things.<\/strong> [ ] definitely agree [ ] slightly agree [ ] slightly disagree [ ] definitely disagree<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is like asking, “do you poop?” Have you ever met a sports fan who gets absorbed in the game and forgets to take out the trash? Are all sports fans autistic? Now I want to cry. Because is there such a thing as a human that doesn’t listen to their favorite song and forget that the world exists? Fuck these fucking guys who made this fucking test and made me imagine a world where someone listens to their favorite song and doesn’t forget their problems for a moment. Fuck. You. Guys.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fuck!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Question the sixth: I often notice small sounds when others do not<\/strong>. [ ] definitely agree [ ] slightly agree [ ] slightly disagree [ ] definitely disagree<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ok. I’m a musician. It’s not fair to ask me this question. Thank you, next\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Question the seventh: I usually notice car number plates or similar strings of information.<\/strong> [ ] definitely agree [ ] slightly agree [ ] slightly disagree [ ] definitely disagree<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you were brought up with road trips and games where you had to spell a word using letters from license plates, this just seems like some kind of setup. What the actual fuck? We were trained as kids to parse fucking license plates, and to see the fun patterns that pop out. We were trained to respond to life, basically. What. The. Fuck. Are. We. Talking. About?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seven questions in, and I am feeling nothing but white hot rage. <\/strong>Fuck whatever standard this test is supposed to be revealing. This is like Ouija Board level hocus pocus. Saturn return, mercury in retrograde, name starts with R-level ambiguous hocus pocus shit. Like someone whose basic assumptions have never been questioned-level bullshit. Like polo helmet as an everyday headwear category-level shit. Fuck! What the actual fuck!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fuck. You. Guys.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

People! What the fuck is going on? The person next to you senses the world differently from you because of the nervous system they were born with! Care for them, for fuck’s sake! What the fuck else do you need?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fuck! We are fucked!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

TW: expletives In my studies since diagnosis with ADHD, I have learned of my aphantasia and proprioception hyposensitivity. I have been participating in support groups with other ND people, and I have come to believe that I may be autistic as well. So, I go online to take the Autism Spectrum Quotient test (created by … Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[29,27,14,26,15,9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-453","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-chronicle","category-didactics","category-neurodiversity","category-personal-narrative","category-politics","category-reflection"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/paor1p-7j","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":458,"url":"https:\/\/ryk.groetchen.com\/blog\/2025\/07\/21\/neurodiversity-journey-recognition\/","url_meta":{"origin":453,"position":0},"title":"neurodiversity journey: recognition","author":"Ryk Groetchen","date":"July 21, 2025","format":false,"excerpt":"Now that I am coming to understand my own neurodivergence, from the inside, (my punch card is getting full! 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