ever since i was young, i’ve felt like i was from a different culture, and was dropped into this one by a stork. somewhere along the way, i decided to stick by this, and honor the integrity of my original culture, and not get too deep into this dominant culture that i still feel like i’m just visiting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
what’s interesting is that i see, hear, and feel traces of my original culture, the more i move through the world, study other cultures, and talk with culture-bearers when they are available. i can’t claim belonging in any one culture, but i can recognize ways of relating and of doing things that align with the nature of things in ways that the dominant culture does not. sometimes, just a tiny affirmation that something i’ve struggled with in the modern, capitalist world makes sense in a different context can provide a sense of deep calm.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
i present as male, and am feminine-attracted. i have always been told that i need to be more assertive in finding a partner, that i need to put myself out there in a certain way. i notice that there is a certain way that the glance of the masculine-attracted person tends to not land on me. even with my deep voice and male presence, being more feminine-identifying internally, this makes a certain sense to me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
when i feel an affinity for someone, though, my instinct is not to be assertive, but to continue to be open and present, without trying to grasp. i don’t feel that this is hesitation, lack of confidence, or fear of rejection. i feel that this is a cultural norm that my body remembers, even as the world moves quickly around me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
i feel that my original culture is centered around inclusion, and meeting everyone’s needs in the community, simply because everyone belongs. this being so, my original culture is a women’s organization, and men are willing participants in this organization, but do not center themselves in matters of partnership.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
i see that a woman recognizes a person that would make a good partner by seeing how that person moves and deals in their affairs \u2014 whether it’s a business partner, an activity partner or a romantic partner \u2014 and gender is not really at issue here. and a woman, knowing that she can choose or not to engage in partnership, because her needs are met by her community, has all the agency.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
there’s some deep part of me that has a cultural memory of a time and place where it is understood that a woman simply chooses a partner when she recognizes one who she wants to work with, and that any advertisement on the part of a potential partner is a cheap performance that is never going to land well. i may or may not be a good partner \u2014 in business, activities, intimate relationships \u2014 but either way, that is not my decision to make; it’s instead the shape of my arc, the cut of my cloth, and whether i am useful is right there for all to see. it is either my time or it isn’t, but forcing the issue benefits no one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
i read about places where such arrangements are indeed the way of everyday. this gives me a sense of deep calm, while also reinforcing the feeling that i was dropped here by a stork.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"