neurodiversity

ADHD Journey: 1 month in

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So far so good. After 2 weeks on meds and a consultation with the pharmacist, I doubled the original dose, and i don’t see increasing any more going forward. My sleep patterns have stabilized and I am actually sleeping more and deeper. This is probably in part due to the fact that I am no longer napping in the afternoon, so at night I am actually tired and fall right asleep.

My step count is on point, and for the last week I have averaged 5 miles a day. I am down 15 pounds from my January weight. I do sometimes forget to eat, but I’m not actually skipping meals, and I have less of a tendency to just clean my plate on principle.

This is all great, but what about my attention? This is a little more difficult to wrap up succinctly. I have continued to experience a decrease in “background noise” that would pull me away from a task. I have also noticed a subtle but unambiguous change in my connection with my current instrument, the ukulele. I have always had a difficult time internalizing and retaining patterns–I have to practice a lot to memorize and integrate new material, and even then it doesn’t always “stick.” It seems lately that the circuits seem to be firing a bit more smoothly. Not a dramatic change by any means, but noticeable and welcome.

What medication hasn’t helped with is the sense of panic and dread I feel from situational sources: caring for and managing the affairs of a loved one with dementia; a marked downward trend in enrollment in music classes, my source of income; parenting a neurodivergent teen who, like me, learns everything the hard way and navigates a world that wasn’t necessarily designed for him; and watching the failure of our justice system and legislature to stop the dismantling of our hard-won civil liberties, environmental protections, and social safety net. All I can do is focus on the task at hand and avoid ruminating, and with that I feel more vulnerable and see fewer options each day. My instinct for self-preservation has seemedly not increased with my ability to focus.

My mind’s tendency toward world-building seems to continue unchecked as well–there is an unrelenting “impossible dream” that a big part of my consciousness is trying to realize, which saps a great deal of the energy which I feel should go into organizing my activities into a sustainable livelihood.
Well, that’s that. To be continued …

ADHD Journey: Self-assessment, peer assessment

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I have gotten my ADHD diagnosis from Kaiser. In talking with other friends about their experiences with this process, it’s clear that no two stories are alike. I’ll be describing my experiences, but it’s probably best to assume that your assessment process will look different should you choose to try it.

I called Kaiser to ask for an assessment. They gave me an appointment to have me speak over the phone to a clinician. When the day came, I was asked questions for around 45 minutes, related to my mental health history, education and work experience, and family history. They scheduled a follow-up phone appointment for the following day. The clinician told me that, based on my answers to the questions, I was in the range for going on to a more in-depth assessment that would also take place over the phone and would take about 3 hours. They also said that I showed signs of anxiety and depression, and asked if I would like to see a therapist. I asked if this was covered by my plan, and they said yes, I would receive weekly visits with a therapist with no copay. I definitely took them up on it, and have been meeting with a therapist over Zoom ever since. I guess Kaiser is really stepping up their mental health game. More on that in another post.

The three-hour follow-up assessment was similar to the first one, but I was asked for more details about my experiences. I was also asked about my history of traumatic experiences. The clinician was very kind and thorough, and I felt at ease, and even unburdened, to share my story.

The next step was to ask a friend or family member to complete a peer assessment. I sent the link to a friend who has known me for around 30 years and who is a therapist, thinking that they would probably be a person with a balanced view relative to the subject. During the follow-up with the clinician, they asked why I had chosen that particular friend to do the peer assessment. Evidently the assessment created a discrepancy with my self-assessment. They said that it was clear from my self-assessment that a diagnosis of ADHD was appropriate, but my friend’s peer assessment didn’t support my own. The clinician asked if I had another friend who would be willing to take the peer assessment. I passed the link on to another friend, a parent who I worked closely with for a number of years. This friend took the assessment, and afterwards reflected to me that the questions seemed to have little relevance regarding my symptoms or functionality. The clinician contacted me for a follow-up, saying that there were still discrepancies, so rather than offer a diagnosis, they referred me to the psychiatrist to take the tests described in a previous post.

When I appeared for the visit with the psychiatrist, they told me that my assessments showed clearly that I suffer from ADHD symptoms, but that these tests would be helpful to determine if I was trying to game the system to get meds. They asked if I am a regular cannabis user (I’m not), and proceeded to describe a common scam among younger people: evidently a cannabis user will game the system to get meds, and then trade the meds for cannabis. They had me take a urine test on the way out.