all the little things you do are done for love.
don’t doubt it. shout about it.
shout about the things you do for love.
(it’s about the little things)
Uncategorized
i, advocate
If you’ve been following my neurodiversity journey–as I articulate the experience of a person with autism, ADHD, aphantasia, and proprioception hyposensitivity from the inside, along with the other ways i share myself–and you’ve found that the insights I’ve shared connect with your experience, or contextualize something you suspected, realize that sharing these insights is one of the ways I care for my community.
And realize that, as a person with no degrees or qualifications as an advocate other than my lived experience and my inborn gifts, what I share makes no sense in the context of capitalism.
If you find that a person like me is a valuable part of the community, and worthy of support, realize that, within the context of 21st century American capitalism, there’s not much support for people like me, or for the people I advocate for, who often don’t have the gift for articulation that I share with my community.
I could institutionalize myself: pursue an advanced degree that legitimizes my advocacy in the context of capitalism, and in doing so, would need to unplug myself from the community that I move through, and in doing so, become another victim of capitalism – saddled with huge debt, and most likely unable to find an official advocacy position that would pay off that debt in my lifetime.
♾️
My autistic traits are nothing to be afraid of. They are highly effective strategies in the environments for which they are adapted. If you spend time with me in these environments, a little of these traits may rub off on you, and your movement through these environments may be eased.
I have come to never doubt this.
I have also come to never doubt that people with autistic traits are not to be feared–whether we are nonverbal or highly talkative, highly energetic or profoundly still, highly organized or seemingly chaotic, hermetic or super social. If you recognize the environments for which we are adapted, and move through these environments with us, we often rub off on you in ways that make these environments easier for you to navigate.
We are connected to something, which sometimes makes us appear disconnected to you. If you connect with us, you connect to something, too.
🛒
You see an old man in the parking lot, losing control of his cart, and you’re right there, and your hand instinctively reaches out and stops the cart from rolling, and you pause, just long enough to show safety with your body, and say:
“it’s fine,”
and move on.
And then, a second later, you are standing across from a young woman screaming at her wailing child:
“chill tf out!”
And your body is frozen, except for the heart that pumps as if it is trying to put out a fire. Which it is.
And as you bear witness, you wish that it was this cart your hand could instinctively reach out and stop from rolling.
“Love in action…”
“Love in action is a harsh and dreadful thing compared with love in dreams. Love in dreams is greedy for immediate action, rapidly performed and in the sight of all. Men will even give their lives if only the ordeal does not last long but is soon over, with all looking on and applauding as though on the stage. But active love is labor and fortitude, and for some people too, perhaps, a complete science.”
Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karamazov
I want the current administration to explode in a blaze of glory, and i want to be the one to light the fuse. But my hands bring me back to the patient work of making myself an act of love.