I’m 60Mf (that’s how I’ve been indicating a male-presenting femme-relating person). I’ve always known that I’m different on the inside, and I’m so glad that it is becoming normalized to express ourselves about the nuances of our experiences relative to gender.
I’ve also recently been diagnosed AuDHD, and that has really helped me understand a lot about myself. None of the labels around gender or sexual orientation have ever landed in a way that gave me a feeling of “yes! that’s me!” but the term neuroqueer feels really right, and bigender has been feeling close enough since i’ve tried it on.
I’ve learned that I was living fairly unmasked through my 20s, but became very high masking starting in my 30s until recently. the way that that relates to gender, for me, is that i experienced a lot of cultural acceptance around gender fluidity in the social circles i moved through in my teens and 20s, but then a couple of things happened. i feel there was a cultural shift in the 90s back to more binary norms, which has kind of continued to this day. But then also, moving into my 30s i felt a certain need to ‘grow up,’ and ‘get with the program,’ so i tried to become as consistent and legible as possible, if that makes sense. As someone who has always been recognized as being ‘different’ or ‘off,’ i think i just kind of minimized those parts of myself that i recognized would create friction. A lot of my masking behavior I chalked up to ‘adulting,’ and just thought it was what everyone my age had to do to survive. It was only after I found myself in burnout and sought diagnosis that i started to understand that what i thought was adulting was costing me a lot of energy and was totally draining me.
I wasn’t, by any means, trying to make myself into a heteronormative male—i’ve always had more women friends and felt fairly unsafe in male-oriented spaces—but i just wasn’t out and proud about my nuanced self, and in intimate relationships there has been a lot of effort devoted to responding to what I now know was me not matching the expectations that my partners brought with them about how a male partner was supposed to relate.
With the diagnosis, i have decided to unmask as much as is possible and practical, while still trying to read the room and pay attention to when it is to my advantage to kind of disappear into my appearance, if that makes sense, and just not challenge people’s perceptions of me too much. Choosing my battles.
But mostly, unmasking has been great for my mental and physical health, and for many of my relationships. And that speaks to one of the ways I’m not trans (one of my offspring is a trans adult, so there’s a relationship to how the terms are different within our culture, even though they’re arbitrary social constructs).
Even though I experience the world in both masculine and feminine ways, both through my internal perception and through others’ perceptions of me, it feels safer to me (i have a lot of issues around relational safety) to live in the body that i have and to allow my inner feelings to be what they are, and not interfere too much in trying to conform to any specific track. In practical terms, that means that i recognize that for me to be perceived as either heteronormatively male or female would require a great deal of masking, and that’s just not something i’m willing to do anymore. I’m fine with the contrasts and contradictions of having both things going on within me at any given time, and i’m more and more comfortable continuing to be myself even when i recognize that who i am is confusing to someone i’m interacting with.
The result, at least at the place I find myself, might be described as a precocious girl or young woman who presents as a rather salty older gentleman, who is attracted to feminine people, regardless of gender, and kind of put off by performative masculinity and the feminine counterpart it attracts. I respond to any pronouns—masc, femme, neutral, singular, or plural—at any given moment. I try to tread lightly through the busy world of public life, and be as rambunctious and outside the lines as i feel with my 2 or 3 trusted people. In that regard, I recognize the privilege of masculine presentation, in terms of safety, and don’t take it for granted. I wish i could give every woman i know the opportunity to wear a giant mansuit out in the world, and feel the safety that comes with that. I need to go cry for a minute. Be right back.
I know this has all been about me. That’s because, you being young, I feel a responsibility to model how a nonconforming person comfortable with themselves describes their experience of themselves, at least one version of that. I don’t want to give advice, because we all have to discover our own way. I hope that this has been helpful, and i just want to send all the hopes—that you experience deep relational safety with at least a couple of trusted people; that you experience ’enough’ relational safety to test the boundaries of who you see and feel yourself to be and how that person wants to present themselves; that you find fulfilling work that sustains you; and that if partnering is something that you want for yourself, that you find your way to people who see you and accept you as you see yourself.
Part 1 in a series. In my study of what works in the effort to serve children’s needs and help them to become happy and healthy adults, I take copious notes. I find it helpful, occasionally, to compile and summarize these notes into a narrative. Why? Because my brain saves all of these notes, and may conversations are built from them, but sometimes the conversations don’t last long enough to articulate the internal narrative I’m working from. This series is an attempt to share my internal narrative, and open it to peer review. I take my notes from memory, and almost never cite sources. That being said, I invite the reader to connect any of the points made here to existing research and share their conclusions. This is a conversation, not a dissertation.
Most histories of American education tell a story of progress: a nation that began with schooling reserved for the privileged few, and gradually, through democratic idealism, reform movements, and federal legislation, built a universal public system open to all. That story is not wrong, exactly. The institutions changed. The rhetoric evolved. The paperwork became more equitable. But a careful look at each era reveals something more stubborn than progress: a sorting mechanism that didn’t disappear so much as go underground—moving from explicit, externally enforced separation by class, race, and sex to subtler forms of stratification woven into the internal logic of schools that called themselves common. What follows is a sweep of that history in roughly fifty-year intervals, with attention to who the system was actually built for, who it served, and who it left out—which is often, in retrospect, the same question asked three different ways.
Note: This is not original scholarship: it’s simply an overview in a legible timeline to point out trends and policies that have been covered in depth elsewhere. Let it be a springboard to deeper inquiry, rather than a document of record.
1750–1800: The Colonial Inheritance
Education for school age children (roughly 6-18) in colonial America was a class-sorted branching system with no pretense of universality. At the top sat the Latin grammar schools, preparing boys of means for Harvard, Yale, and William & Mary—a curriculum descended from European scholasticism, oriented toward ministry, law, and civic leadership. The classics of Latin and Greek literature, philosophy, science, and morals, for the purpose of the cultural reproduction of a specific kind of man.
Below that: dame schools, itinerant tutors, apprenticeships, and church-sponsored charity schools for the poor—when anything existed at all. Girls of any class were educated in domestic management. Enslaved children were legally barred from formal learning. Indigenous children were beginning to encounter the first missions, the early edge of a centuries-long civilizational assault framed, with grim consistency, as education.
The tracks were not hidden. They were considered natural—a reflection of a divinely ordered social hierarchy in which learning, like land, followed the contours of birth.
The baseline: Explicitly multi-track schooling sorted by class, sex, and race, with no universal access and no pretense of it. Classical grammar schools at the top; charity schools, apprenticeships, or nothing below.
Who benefited: White boys of property and standing, educated for ministry, law, and civic leadership. A small sliver of the population receiving a coherent, purposeful education.
Who was excluded: Girls of every class, enslaved people by law and violence, Indigenous children by conquest, and the white poor by economic circumstance. The majority, in other words.
1800–1850: The Republican Experiment
The new republic needed citizens—or at least a story about citizens. Horace Mann and the common school movement began making the case that democracy required a literate public. Massachusetts led: the common school—free, public, non-sectarian in theory—began to take institutional shape.
But common was relative. The common school was, in practice, for white Protestant children. It ran on rote recitation, McGuffey Readers, and moral formation. Its hidden curriculum was assimilation—to Anglo-Protestant norms of industry, deference, and civic identity. The revolutionary claim was not that everyone deserved an equal education, but that a certain kind of American deserved a common one.
The tracked system persisted beneath the common school ideal. Academies and preparatory schools served the wealthy. Apprenticeship and early labor absorbed the working class. Black children were excluded in most states. The Indian boarding school logic was beginning to solidify at the margins. The track had not been dismantled. It had been papered over with a rhetoric of shared citizenship that the structure declined to honor.
The baseline: The common school ideal emerges—free, public, non-sectarian—but applies in practice to white Protestant children. Private academies and prep schools continue serving the elite in parallel.
Who benefited: White Protestant children of the middle classes, given a common civic formation. Wealthy white families, still sending their sons to academies that fed higher institutions.
Who was excluded: Black children in most states, Indigenous children facing early boarding school assimilation, Catholic and non-Protestant immigrant families, and girls beyond basic literacy instruction.
1850–1900: Industrialization and the Sorting Machine
The Civil War and Reconstruction forced a brief, violent expansion of the common school ideal. The Freedmen’s Bureau established schools across the South; Black communities built educational institutions with extraordinary energy and sacrifice. Then Reconstruction collapsed, and with it most of those gains.
Meanwhile, industrialization was reshaping what schools were fundamentally for. The factory needed disciplined, punctual, task-following workers. Schools began to look more like factories: age-graded classrooms, standardized curricula, bells, rows of desks, a teacher functioning as foreman. The Prussian model arrived and was adopted with enthusiasm.
The Morrill Act (1862) began federalizing agricultural and mechanical education for white men. The Carlisle Indian Industrial School opened in 1879, its founding superintendent offering the institution’s purpose in plain terms: kill the Indian, save the man. Education as cultural genocide entered its full institutional phase.
At the upper end, the private academy and boarding school circuit was consolidating—Exeter, Andover, the New England schools—feeding the Ivy League and reproducing an intergenerational owning class with increasing sophistication. Two systems, one called universal and one called elite, were producing what they were designed to produce: workers and managers.
The baseline: Public schooling becomes factory-modeled, oriented toward producing compliant industrial workers. The elite boarding school circuit consolidates in parallel. Indian boarding schools institutionalize cultural erasure as federal education policy.
Who benefited: Industrial employers, who received a trained and disciplined workforce. Wealthy white families, whose children attended institutions that preserved class continuity. Black families during the Reconstruction window, briefly.
Who was excluded: Black children after Reconstruction’s collapse; Indigenous children subjected to boarding school erasure; the white working class, offered schooling calibrated to their station rather than their potential.
1900–1950: Progressive Reform and Its Contradictions
John Dewey arrives with a genuinely radical vision: education is for democracy, for experience, for growth. Learning by doing. The school as a model community. It is widely influential and almost nowhere fully implemented.
What gets implemented instead is a managed version. Vocational tracking enters the public school officially. The Smith-Hughes Act (1917) funds vocational education, formalizing a two-track system within the nominally universal public school. The guidance counselor emerges—partly to support students, partly to sort them.
IQ testing, imported from France and rapidly weaponized by American eugenicists during and after World War I, provides the pseudoscientific infrastructure for tracking. Students are measured, sorted, and placed on trajectories—academic, general, vocational—that correlate almost perfectly with race and class, now laundered through the language of aptitude and potential.
The GI Bill (1944) produces a brief, anomalous democratization of higher education for white veterans. For Black veterans in the South, it mostly funds separate and unequal institutions. The common school ideal reaches its widest nominal coverage — and its most sophisticated internal mechanisms of stratification.
The baseline: Progressive ideals enter the discourse but the implemented reality is a tracked public school with academic and vocational lanes. IQ testing provides scientific cover for sorting students along lines that map closely onto race and class.
Who benefited: White middle-class families whose children were steered toward academic tracks; white veterans through the GI Bill; employers who received pre-sorted workers matched to predetermined roles.
Who was excluded: Black, immigrant, and working-class children consistently sorted into vocational tracks regardless of capacity; Black veterans largely denied equitable GI Bill access; students whose intelligences didn’t conform to the narrow testing instrument.
1950–2000: Desegregation, Standards, and the Accountability Era
Brown v. Board of Education (1954) is the legal end of de jure segregation. The actual desegregation of American schools is incomplete, fiercely contested, and largely reversed over the following decades by residential sorting, white flight, and the systematic dismantling of busing programs. The ruling changes the law. It does not change the neighborhood.
The 1960s bring a surge of federal investment: the Elementary and Secondary Education Act (1965), Head Start, Title I—money flowing toward low-income students for the first time at federal scale. The rhetoric of equity reaches its legislative peak.
Then A Nation at Risk (1983) reframes the conversation entirely: the problem is not equity, it is excellence. American students are failing to compete internationally. The response is standards, testing, and accountability—a framework that will dominate the next four decades and fundamentally reorganize what schools understand themselves to be doing. The track hadn’t been eliminated. It had been internalized—Advanced Placement versus general versus remedial, operating within the same building, reproducing the same demographic gradients with slightly different paperwork.
By the 1990s, the private school market is mature and growing. Charter schools emerge, initially as experiments in progressive alternative pedagogy, and are quickly captured by a privatization logic that uses the language of equity to accelerate the defunding of public systems.
The baseline: Legal desegregation without structural integration. Federal equity investment in the 1960s followed by a standards-and-testing turn in the 1980s that reorients schools around measurable outputs. Internal tracking replaces external segregation.
Who benefited: Families with the resources to navigate the system — selecting neighborhoods, accessing honors and AP tracks, using charter and private options as public funding eroded the common school.
Who was excluded: Black and Brown students in re-segregating schools; low-income students in districts where property-tax funding meant unequal resources; students sorted into lower tracks from which upward movement was statistically rare.
Change Brings Resistance To Change: The Backlash Grammar (1970s–1990s and beyond )
Something important happens in the negative space between the equity legislation of the 1960s and the accountability turn of the 1980s. It is not an event so much as a reframing—a political and rhetorical operation that converts the modest redistribution of public educational resources into a story about unfairness to white families. Understanding this is essential, because the logic it establishes doesn’t stay in the 1970s. It is still operating now, in more sophisticated form.
The starting point is busing. When federal courts began ordering mandatory busing to achieve racial integration in northern cities—Boston, Detroit, Louisville—the resistance was immediate, organized, and often violent. The public argument was rarely made in explicitly racial terms; it was made in the language of neighborhood, choice, and parental rights. Families, the argument went, had a natural claim to the school nearest their home. Forced busing violated that claim. What went largely unexamined was the prior question: how those neighborhoods had been racially engineered in the first place, through redlining, restrictive covenants, and federally subsidized white suburban flight. The injury being remedied was invisible; the remedy was presented as the injury.
This rhetorical move—erasing the history that made a corrective necessary, then framing the corrective as the original offense—becomes the template. Affirmative action in higher education is recast as discrimination against white applicants who played by the rules. Bilingual education programs are framed as preferential treatment that disadvantages English-speaking children. Title I funding directed toward low-income schools becomes, in this telling, a subsidy that drains resources from districts that earned them. In each case, a policy designed to counteract a documented structural disadvantage is inverted and presented as itself a form of structural disadvantage—against people who had benefited from the original structure without ever having to name that benefit.
A Nation at Risk is partly a product of this climate. Its effectiveness is that it reframes the entire conversation away from equity and toward excellence—a word that sounds universal but lands differently depending on where you’re standing. If the problem is that American students aren’t competitive, then resources should flow toward competitive students. The logic of remediation becomes a drag on the logic of achievement. What looks like a neutral turn toward standards is also, in effect, a withdrawal of the equity framing that had briefly organized federal education policy.
By the 1990s, the backlash has acquired institutional infrastructure. Think tanks produce research framing school choice as a civil rights issue—using the language of the movement it is, in many cases, designed to undermine. The word merit does enormous work during this period, naturalizing outcomes that are in fact the product of accumulated advantage while delegitimizing interventions designed to account for accumulated disadvantage. The common school, already strained, begins to be discussed as a failed experiment rather than an underfunded one.
What this period seeds is a political grammar that the anti-woke movement of the 2020s will inherit and extend. The core structure is consistent: identify a corrective measure, strip it of its historical context, reframe it as an act of aggression against a neutral baseline, and then defend that baseline as if it were natural rather than constructed. Busing becomes an assault on neighborhood schools. Affirmative action becomes racial discrimination. Equity-focused curriculum becomes indoctrination. Diversity training becomes ideological coercion. In each iteration, the move is the same: the remedy is made visible; the wound it addresses is made to disappear.
The anti-woke movement does not invent this grammar. It inherits it, amplifies it, and applies it more broadly—extending from education policy into corporate culture, medical care, military service, and public accommodation. What is new is the explicitness: where earlier iterations maintained a studied neutrality, claiming only to defend fairness, the current iteration is increasingly willing to name its targets directly and frame the defense of existing hierarchy not as neutrality but as virtue. The mask, in other words, has come off.
The through-line is unbroken. Each generation of American education has produced a backlash proportional to how seriously it threatened the sorting mechanism. The 1960s reforms were serious enough to produce a serious backlash. The seriousness of the current moment’s reaction is, in that sense, a rough measure of how much was at stake.
2000–Present: Accountability, Austerity, and the Fracture
No Child Left Behind (2001) makes standardized testing the organizing logic of public education. Every Student Succeeds Act (2015) modifies but does not dismantle it. The school-to-prison pipeline becomes a named and documented phenomenon. The achievement gap becomes a major policy object—widely discussed, essentially unmoved across a generation of intervention.
The 2008 financial crisis produces a wave of teacher layoffs, school closures, and defunding from which the system never fully recovers. Arts, music, counselors, libraries—the enrichment layer is stripped first, and stripped disproportionately from schools serving low-income and non-white communities. The result is a system where the wealthiest public schools increasingly resemble private ones, and the poorest increasingly resemble management environments.
COVID accelerates every existing fracture. Families with resources exit into private schools, microschools, and homeschool pods. Public schools are left holding the highest-need students with diminished capacity. Remote learning reveals, without ambiguity, that access to broadband, quiet space, and adult support are themselves educational infrastructure—and that their distribution follows the same lines privilege always has.
The neurodiversity framework enters the mainstream slowly and unevenly. The Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (1990) established rights; the practical implementation has often been punitive, siloed, or institutionally self-serving. Genuine intercognitive design—building environments where multiple modes of being and learning are structurally welcomed rather than merely tolerated—remains the exception rather than the rule.
The baseline: A testing-and-accountability regimen that narrows curriculum while failing to move equity outcomes. Austerity strips enrichment from under-resourced schools. COVID accelerates stratification. Neurodiversity rights exist on paper; inclusive design rarely follows in practice.
Who benefited: Families with the wealth, flexibility, and cultural capital to exit the public system or navigate it selectively. Testing infrastructure companies. Charter networks with access to public funding and private governance.
Who was excluded: Low-income students in resource-stripped districts; neurodivergent students in schools without meaningful support; students of color caught in the school-to-prison pipeline; every family for whom exit from the public system was not an option.
The Through-Line
What looks, from a distance, like a progressive arc—from explicit multi-track sorting to universal public education—is more accurately described as the internalization of the track. The mechanism moved from external enforcement (separate schools by class, race, and purpose) to internal architecture (sorting within a nominally common institution). The rhetoric of equity arrived faster than the structure. In each era, the question of who deserved what kind of education was answered—consistently, if not always consciously—in favor of those who already had privilege.
Understanding this pattern is not an invitation to despair. It is an argument for looking at things precisely. Reform efforts that work within the sorting logic—adding a program here, adjusting a metric there—have had limited purchase because they accept the flawed premise.
What a genuine alternative requires is not a better version of the mechanism, but a different foundation: one that treats the full range of human cognition, culture, and circumstance not as a variable to be managed but as the very material of education itself.
In the early 90s (in my mid 20s), I was studying guitar at Musicians Institute in L.A. Our improvisation class was taught by a fusion guy with the obligatory curly mullet—nice enough, but also kind of a doofus. Our assignment was to bring in a recording of a guitar improvisation to listen to and analyze.
I was trying to understand free improvisation at the time, and I brought in this track by eastbay stalwarts (this was before I moved to the eastbay) Henry Kaiser, Hilary & John Hanes, with John Abercrombie. I thought it was ‘fusiony’ enough that the instructor would find some way to talk about the logic of the thing.
He cued up the CD and the sound came over the speakers. I could see his face trying to figure out what to make of it.
About halfway through, he turned the volume down, gave kind of a dopey smile to let us know he was kind of kidding, but mostly not, and said,
“You call that music?”
My (unknown to me at the time) autistic brain went into analysis-and-resolution mode, which can chew through a moment like this in milliseconds. Without missing a beat, my unconsidered response was,
“You call that a haircut?”
By which I meant no ill will whatsoever. I was just pointing out that one’s musical choices are not unlike one’s tonsorial decisions. But, of course, there wasn’t time to give the backstory of the decision-making process that caused my response.
There was a long pause. Then suddenly, the tension was broken as everyone in the room, besides the instructor and myself, erupted into laughter. The instructor and I just looked at one another with curiosity, awe, and a sense that we would be laughing as well if we were just witnesses, and not protagonists.
After that, thankfully, there were no hard feelings, at least that I was aware of. There was a quiet peace between us, even when I would ask overly complex (unknown to me at the time) autistic questions.
Actually, now that I’m remembering, he told me once after that that he had a dream where I was reaching my arms out to him, and pleading, “Daddy! Daddy!” I remember masking heavily (before I knew that was a thing), and trying to hear his dream in a neutral way, and not hear it as creepy, but to respect his experience, and not react.
Thankfully, that was pretty much the end of that episode of that story.
Some of you have made music with me over the years. You know what being in the room with me is like. Since my birthday is coming up, I’m hoping you’ll take a moment to hear what I’m asking for.
This past year, I decided to start something new. I wanted to nurture spaces that are explicitly neurodiversity-affirming. I wanted to make music that reflects the histories and cultures of the communities I’m in—not a fixed repertoire, but a living one. I wanted more instruments, wider age ranges, and a room that doesn’t sort people by developmental milestone or tax bracket. I wanted people to be able to attend as often as they like without paying more.
And I wanted to charge less than it costs to run the program, on purpose, knowing I’d be fundraising constantly to fill the gap. For years I taught in programs I couldn’t have afforded myself. That felt like a problem worth solving.
Enter imeetswe. We’re in our first year, and this is our Spring fundraising appeal. It would be a bait-and-switch to offer sliding scale classes and then only appeal at fundraising time to folks that are enrolled, so I’m reaching out to you. If any of this resonates—as a donor, a sharer, or just someone who wants to know more—I’d love for you to take a look, and share widely. Thank you!