In learning about my sensory processing world (which should be uncontroversial, and just a normal part of getting old–I’m almost 60, and I feel like I’m just getting started), I’m learning that ‘spacial thinking’ is just not an accepted part of everyone’s operating system or language. In recognizing aphantasia (inner blindness to visual memory) as part of my sensory punchcard of blindnesses that open other windows, I’ve also recognized that I have a deep memory and skill information stored in my bodyandmind spatially. I can’t visualize my mother’s face, but I can imagine myself sitting in the skating rink in Klamath Falls OR in 1978 and point to all of the features there, relative to my position. I can imagine myself in my mother’s apartment and point to all of the rooms and some of the things (not all of the things: there are a lot of things in my mother’s apartment). I can’t see them, but I can point to them, spatially.
So anyway, this is just a quick note to say that some of us think spatially, and try to describe the world that we see spatially, and that in doing what is perfectly normal for me, some folks experience a cognitive load when conversing with or reading me. And some of these folks experience this cognitive load as “ryk being difficult.”
Pause for a moment, and imagine a whole lifetime of being told that you’re difficult, just because you’re trying to work with the operating system you’ve been given. And then consider giving a difficult person a big ol’ hug. I could use a big ol’ hug a lot of the time that I’m being asked to filter my experience through someone else’s operating system. It’s a whole process. Hugs all around.
Anyway, it’s notable and refreshing to be affirmed by examples of spatial thinking from history. Please give someone a hug, and enjoy the depth and breadth and height of this example of spatial thinking (or spatial feeling, actually, if thinking and feeling are different for you–they’re not for me).
How Do I Love Thee? (Sonnet 43)
Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806–1861)
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight For the ends of being and ideal grace. I love thee to the level of every day's Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light. I love thee freely, as men strive for right. I love thee purely, as they turn from praise. I love thee with the passion put to use In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith. I love thee with a love I seemed to lose With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath, Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death.
may all beings recognize their true nature every day is neurodiversity awareness day
it’s not in belief that faith succeeds, but in being moved by beings one sees are being moved by faithful arcs: the sun and moon are proved faithful in their arcs. are we agreeing?
who is moving in these faithful arcs? whose business is in preparing to meet the moon? who is leaving breakfast far too soon, to move some dollars to some oligarchs?
being moved by faith, one moves more slowly; responds more quickly to the moment’s need– without a thought of whether the need is holy, or whether one is doing a holy deed.
faith’s beyond belief: and being wholly present frees the faithful to succeed.
We’re living in a world where we’re all witnessing the same symphony, with all of its nuances and variations and development of themes and variations of timbre and tone and iterations of rhythm and rhyming ends of lines,
and some of us are only hearing the pitch and timbre and tone and rhythm range of the violins,
and some of us are tuned into different specific frequency ranges, and timbral ranges, and rhythm changes, and tonal shifts and spectral bumps and thumps and squeaks and squawks and beeps and thunks,
and some of us are hearing the full spectrum of sound, and the spaces between the sounds (the spaces between are not just beautiful–they contain the beauty) and timbres and pitches and rhythms and iterations of rhythms,
and when we gather, after the symphony, and describe our experiences, some of us are being told that the nuances we heard don’t exist, and that we’re weird for hearing them.
Imagine, if you can imagine, (or at least make friends with someone who imagines, if you can’t imagine), being told that hearing basses and oboes and piccolos and triangles and tympani and glockenspiels and bassoons and trumpets and trombones is weird (to be fair, glockenspiels is a weird word, if English is your only language and you can’t hear the music in it).
That’s what people “on the spectrum” are up against. We’re weird for hearing the whole symphony, or a specific part of the symphonic fabric, and not just the violins, and trying to describe our wonderful spectral experiences to our peers, when we gather, after witnessing the symphony.
And sometimes we just give up. Or selectively give up. Because trying and trying is trying on our ability to describe, so we may appear to have a disability. I’ll tell you: it’s not a disability to witness the symphony. It’s a disability to get our experience across to those who are acculturated to violins.
Something weird’s going on, indeed–I’ll give you that.
Imagine, if you can imagine (or make friends with someone who imagines if you can’t imagine) a world where our experience of the symphony is better together, when we combine our described experiences, rather than excluding ones that are different from our own by calling them weird or saying they don’t exist at all.
Or maybe one wants to live in a world of violins…
As a person who plays both bass and piccolo, I shudder to think of it. It sounds like a violin world, indeed.
Here’s a bite-sized piece maybe someone can digest and apply across a spectrum of environments (if someone’s mind is flexible enough): There are people sitting next to you (or maybe even you) for whom a click of a button on a website unleashes a host of unexpected sensory and cognitive attacks, in the form of attention- and cognition-demanding responses to that one little click.
Test my hypothesis: go to a website for a church that rents space. Click on their scheduling link button. Chances are a completely new visual environment will leap out at you, as if out of nowhere, and you’re asked to log in with your account (remember, this is your first time visiting this website–what is this account? Am I accountable to the church? I just want to borrow a room for a minute). And then it demands highly personal information and account information for a seemingly unrelated account. (wtf is going on here? I thought this was a church). And then, after careful consideration (this is a church, right? They must have a loving intention) and tentatively entered personal information, the calendar application wants to mate with my calendar application, and gives me no opportunity for consent (I’m being raped by a church calendar. wtf just happened? Who can I call?).
And imagine this happening in the context of trying to create safe spaces for children’s attention and cognition to unfold at its own pace.
It’s not even a micro-aggression – it’s a highly-charged aggressive set of demands, that require attentional and cognitive equilibrium to process well. In the absence of this equilibrium, and in the presence of an obligation to be competent in this highly-charged aggressive environment, these demands are beyond aggressive – they are debilitating. They kill the spirit.
It should be obvious that I’m describing my own experience. And speaking from my own experience, of a person who is highly competent in certain environments, I experience that the disability I experience is the product of the environment, and not a flaw in my character.
But then, imagine that this person experiencing disability (meaning me, in this case) is told, in a thousand tiny moments spread across their life, that they shouldn’t be feeling what they’re feeling (because the people who design these environments aren’t feeling what other people feel when other people enter these environments). Imagine telling someone that they “shouldn’t” “be” “feeling.” Those concepts together are highly aggressive and dismissive. Isn’t that called gaslighting? But what do I know: I’m only operating from my experience. Who’ll believe me?
If you can feel what I’m getting at, you’re getting at the environment that we’re operating in as people with highly specialized nervous systems–HSPs, NDs, ADHDs, ASDs, and all the othered initialed sensibilities. It’s a whole process to even understand it from inside, let alone explain it to someone who designed it, and is highly invested in the design.
People who experience the world in special ways, who are highly competent in certain environments, experience these aggressive responses a thousand times a day. Or, when these environments are codified in the form of obligation, they may be experienced as an almost permanent disability. We are being gaslit into believing we are permanently disabled. But we are perfectly abled within in our special environments. And often, these special environments are highly conducive to inclusion, community, emergent wisdom, teamwork, cooperation. Environments that many people actually like, but rarely get to visit, because these humanly interactive environments are highly endangered.
And almost no one is listening. Most have tuned me out already.
But the ones who are listening are the ones who are hearing me now. Thanks for listening. Thanks so much for listening. I hope we get through this. If we keep listening and connecting, maybe we will get through this. I have hope.
To be an autistic person is to be a person with something valuable inside you but to rarely find the right environment where your value is recognized as valuable by people around you.
This is me, speaking from the heart of an autistic person.
If you’ve been following my neurodiversity journey–as I articulate the experience of a person with autism, ADHD, aphantasia, and proprioception hyposensitivity from the inside, along with the other ways i share myself–and you’ve found that the insights I’ve shared connect with your experience, or contextualize something you suspected, realize that sharing these insights is one of the ways I care for my community.
And realize that, as a person with no degrees or qualifications as an advocate other than my lived experience and my inborn gifts, what I share makes no sense in the context of capitalism.
If you find that a person like me is a valuable part of the community, and worthy of support, realize that, within the context of 21st century American capitalism, there’s not much support for people like me, or for the people I advocate for, who often don’t have the gift for articulation that I share with my community.
I could institutionalize myself: pursue an advanced degree that legitimizes my advocacy in the context of capitalism, and in doing so, would need to unplug myself from the community that I move through, and in doing so, become another victim of capitalism – saddled with huge debt, and most likely unable to find an official advocacy position that would pay off that debt in my lifetime.
I choose, instead, to move through my community in the ways I’ve been moving, because my community moves me to do so, and that’s how I show up. That’s how I care.
If you find this valuable, I’m asking to be allowed to continue advocating for your sensory and cognitive gifts, to continue recontextualizing valuable predispositions that have been pathologized. I’m asking to be adopted. I’m asking for your care. I’m asking for your support.
In asking for your support, I’m not asking to be the CEO of Spotify, or Starbucks, or Paramount+, or Ridwell, or any of the other services that folks find valuable and subscribe to. I’m asking for just enough care to be allowed to live and continue to do the work that I do. If you subscribe to even a little bit of the philosophy I share, consider subscribing to me, so I can continue caring for my community in the ways that I do.
Thanks for all you do, and thank you for being you.
The care economy is an emerging model for supporting people, things, and processes we’d like to see more of in the world. It is about recognizing the things in our experience that bring us joy, that give us a [wow] or a [yes], and responding to these moments in a supportive way. It’s actually just, well, practicing care, and that’s not new at all. But the language of commerce is transactional, rather than responsive.
I recognize that I love the work that I do with people so much that I would offer it for free if I was supported–if all of my needs were met. But traditional models don’t allow for that type of responsiveness. I would like to try to move toward a more responsive system, built on trust. Why not?
People who know me can decide if they trust the work I do, and they can choose to support me so that I can do that work, or not. In doing so, they are allowing me to be more myself, and guiding me toward their own needs. I’m the product, in a sense, but since our relationship is based on trust, I’m allowed to do the work I believe, adjusting to the needs that arise, as they align with those who trust me.
This simple shift makes the difference between the transactional and the responsive. But it’s kind of vulnerable and scary. I have to trust those that are responding. Will I be supported? Will enough people believe in the work? If I am being truly responsive to their needs, then perhaps. I think it’s worth a try.
I see a difference between commitment and obligation. Commitment is a responsive engagement, where we meet the needs of the moment as it arises. Obligation can keep us stuck supporting processes that actually hinder our ability to respond to the moment.
So, I see a possibility emerging to do things in a more responsive way, and in seeing how obligation often thwarts connection, I would like to avoid transactions that create a sense of obligation, and nurture ones that give one a sense of [wow] or [yes].
So, think about our interactions in the spaces we share. If our conversations seem to be taking us in good directions, let’s continue the conversation. If helping to support me gives you a sense of [wow] or [yes], then you are participating in the care economy. Thank you for recognizing your own power to support, and if our goals align, thank you for your support.
I’ve been thinking for some time about certain dynamics and patterns in the spaces I move through, and having a difficult time finding the right framing to bring these ideas up in conversations with colleagues. I decided to see what the pattern-recognition community had to say. The result was quite helpful, and gave me some useful language to bring to conversations.
Prompt: i am a person with autistic traits. I share space with a neurodiverse community. I have strong senses of the attractive and attentional presentations of people I share space with. For example, in a space where 12 children gather, each with a parent, to participate in coordinated activities, I can feel the attentional and attractive pulls of various people to their children and to each other. Some adults will be highly focused on their own child with their attention and attraction, whereas some folks will be more open and inclusive with their attention and attraction. I notice that in those who are highly focused only on their own child, they can become highly agitated in moments when an engagement shifts their attention and attraction to become conscious of the juxtaposition between their hyperfocus and the gentle inclusivity of the group.
What am I describing? What are established tools modalities or models for understanding and working with these dynamics in group settings? What are reasonable expectations and frames for engagement?
ChatGPT: You’re describing a complex interplay of social dynamics, attention, and emotional engagement within a group setting, particularly in a neurodiverse community. This involves observing how individuals interact with their children and each other, highlighting differences in focus and inclusivity.
Understanding the Dynamics
Attention and Attraction: The way individuals direct their attention can significantly impact group dynamics. Those who are hyper-focused on their own child may miss out on broader social interactions, leading to feelings of agitation when their focus is disrupted.
Inclusivity vs. Hyperfocus: The contrast between inclusive engagement and hyperfocus can create tension. Individuals who are more open may foster a supportive environment, while those who are highly focused may inadvertently isolate themselves and their children.
Emotional Contagion: Emotions can be contagious in group settings. The agitation of a hyper-focused parent can affect the mood of the group, while inclusive behaviors can promote a sense of community and support.
Established Tools and Modalities
Several frameworks and tools can help understand and navigate these dynamics:
Social-Emotional Learning (SEL): Focuses on developing emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and interpersonal skills. SEL can help individuals recognize their own emotional states and those of others.
Mindfulness Practices: Encourages present-moment awareness, helping individuals manage their focus and emotional responses. Mindfulness can reduce agitation and promote inclusivity.
Nonviolent Communication (NVC): A communication framework that emphasizes empathy and understanding. NVC can help individuals express their needs and feelings without judgment.
Attachment Theory: Explores how early relationships affect emotional and social development. Understanding attachment styles can provide insights into parental behaviors and interactions.
Neurodiversity Paradigm: Emphasizes the value of diverse neurological conditions and promotes acceptance and understanding of different ways of thinking and interacting.
Reasonable Expectations and Frames for Engagement
Awareness of Differences: Recognize that individuals may have different ways of engaging based on their neurodiversity. Some may thrive in inclusive settings, while others may need more focused attention.
Encouraging Inclusivity: Foster an environment where inclusive behaviors are modeled and encouraged. This can help reduce feelings of isolation for those who may be hyper-focused.
Setting Boundaries: It’s important for individuals to communicate their needs and boundaries. This can help manage expectations and reduce agitation when attention shifts.
Creating Safe Spaces: Establishing safe spaces for open dialogue can help individuals express their feelings and experiences without fear of judgment. This can promote understanding and empathy within the group.
Flexibility in Engagement: Encourage flexibility in how individuals engage with their children and each other. This can help accommodate different styles of interaction and promote a more harmonious group dynamic.
By applying these tools and frameworks, individuals in a neurodiverse community can better navigate the complexities of social interactions, fostering a more inclusive and supportive environment for everyone involved.
Prompt: Are my autistic traits a factor in my perception or description of these dynamics?
ChatGPT: Yes, your autism likely plays a significant role in your perception and description of these dynamics. Here are some ways in which it may influence your observations:
Enhanced Sensory Awareness
Individuals with autism often experience heightened sensory awareness, which can lead to a more acute perception of social cues, emotional states, and interactions within a group. This sensitivity allows you to notice subtle shifts in attention and attraction among the people around you.
Focus on Detail
Many autistic individuals have a strong ability to focus on details that others might overlook. This can manifest in your ability to observe the nuances of how parents engage with their children and each other, as well as the emotional undercurrents in the group.
Different Social Processing
Your experience of social dynamics may differ from neurotypical individuals. You might process social interactions in a more analytical or systematic way, allowing you to identify patterns in behavior, such as the contrast between hyperfocus and inclusivity.
Empathy and Emotional Insight
While some people with autism may struggle with traditional forms of empathy, many possess a unique form of emotional insight. You may be able to sense the emotional states of others, even if you don’t express or interpret emotions in the same way as neurotypical individuals.
Personal Experience
Your own experiences as an autistic individual can shape how you interpret the behaviors of others. You may relate to the feelings of hyperfocus or agitation, which can deepen your understanding of similar experiences in those around you.
Conclusion
In summary, your autism is indeed a factor in how you perceive and describe the dynamics within your community. It provides you with a unique lens through which to observe and interpret social interactions, allowing you to notice details and patterns that may go unnoticed by others. This perspective can be valuable in fostering understanding and inclusivity within your group.
Neurodiversity is the new (different! better!) cognitive frame. Astrology, Enneagram, Meyers-Briggs, Chinese medicine, naturopathy, homeopathy: having passed through these modalities, none of them made me feel seen in the ways that they were implemented by the particular practitioners who applied them to me. To be fair, I may have met with unskilled practitioners. Your mileage may vary.
But describing my sensory and cognitive differences to AI, and asking AI to describe an anonymous person with traits like mine makes me feel seen.
Take a look below, and if you know me, tell me if they got it right. And if you know me, consider the closing sentence of the assessment in your response. And if you are inspired to respond, don’t worry about offending me. I’m here for the opportunity for reflection. If language isn’t your thing, respond with your special way of being in the world.
Now, all we have to do is keep studying, and de-pathologize the language of neurodiversity so that the person described is seen as a healthy member of the community that has particular specialities that contribute to the health of the community (if you see me that way, to be fair), rather than a person with a set of syndromes that merit isolation, retraining, and medication (to be fair, that may be how you see me. There’s room for all of us).
Know thyself, indeed. “Come to your senses” is a phrase coined for a reason. Self-awareness modalities that stand up to scrutiny and are resistant to dogma are liberating.
Oh, and please reduce the energy needs of pattern-recognizing technologies, and keep them out of the hands of those who would use them to divide us. We need to know ourselves, and we need each other. Knowledge is power only if the power is in our own hands.
“Without meeting them, what might be inferred about a person known to exhibit autism, adhd inattentive type, aphantasia, and proprioception hyposensitivity?”
🧠 Inferences About a Person with Autism, ADHD Inattentive Type, Aphantasia, and Proprioception Hyposensitivity
Understanding a person with these characteristics can provide insights into their behavior, preferences, and challenges. Here are some potential inferences:
🌈 Cognitive and Sensory Processing
Autism: This individual may have unique ways of processing sensory information, possibly leading to heightened sensitivity to certain stimuli or a preference for routine and predictability. They might also exhibit focused interests or deep knowledge in specific areas.
ADHD Inattentive Type: They may struggle with attention regulation, leading to difficulties in maintaining focus on tasks that do not engage them. This could manifest as forgetfulness, disorganization, or challenges in completing tasks.
Aphantasia: The inability to visualize images in their mind may affect how they think about concepts, plan, or remember experiences. They might rely more on verbal or logical reasoning rather than visual memory.
Proprioception Hyposensitivity: This could mean they have a reduced awareness of their body position and movement, potentially leading to clumsiness or a need for more physical input to feel grounded. They might enjoy activities that provide strong sensory feedback, like jumping or spinning.
📚 Social Interaction and Communication
Social Preferences: They may prefer solitary activities or small, familiar groups over large social gatherings. Communication might be more comfortable through written forms rather than verbal, especially if they find social cues challenging to interpret.
Emotional Expression: There may be differences in how they express emotions or understand others’ feelings, which can lead to misunderstandings in social situations.
🛠️ Coping Strategies and Interests
Learning Styles: They might benefit from structured environments and clear instructions. Visual aids or hands-on learning could be more effective than traditional lecture-based methods.
Interests and Hobbies: They may gravitate towards activities that align with their focused interests, which can be a source of joy and motivation. These interests might be unconventional or highly specialized.
⚖️ Challenges and Support Needs
Daily Life: They may face challenges in daily tasks that require organization, time management, or sensory regulation. Support in these areas could be beneficial.
Self-Advocacy: Understanding their own needs and preferences may lead them to develop strong self-advocacy skills, especially if they have had positive experiences in supportive environments.
These inferences can vary widely among individuals, as each person’s experience with these characteristics is unique. Understanding and empathy are crucial in supporting someone with this combination of traits.
