recognition

isolation ↔️ resolution

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the etymology of the term ‘autism’ derives from an idea that a person with autistic traits is somehow isolated in a world of their own, that others can’t reach.

i would offer that this is exactly wrong, and a projection by an observer with a mindset built from a variety of assumptions that prevents them from understanding the way the observed person moves through the world.

the isolation being described is that of the observer, not the observed. an isolation from nature, and from processes that take place across long arcs, and within complex systems.

and this isolation prevents the observer not only from understanding the observed, but from understanding their own true nature, and the ways that certain qualities that appear awkward in a limited social context are vital for the human project as it plays out in relationship with nature, the earth, and the universe.

for this reason, i advocate for new language that acknowledges the contribution of the person who moves across a longer arc; whose body remembers what has always been important, even when people in the room have forgotten; whose mind forgets what is not important, even when the people in the room are catastrophizing about a missed deadline; whose presence requires the room to reassess what is important at every turn; whose character collects specific fields of information that, when recognized, enrich the community in unmonetizable ways.

so, i’m going to be speaking in awkward sentences, as i try to articulate the experience, from the inside, of a person who recognizes something of what is important; who recognizes and loves themselves and those around themselves; and who is unsatisfied with the direction that a large swath of humanity has taken—away from nature, and a harmonious relationship with the universe.

sometimes, in coming to our senses, it’s important to disengage from a compulsion to make sense. thank you for your attention to this matter.

tl:dr: recognition ≠ choice

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Framing gender, sexual, and relational preferences as choices does real harm. These choices are the result of a culture built around a specific origin story, that by now is clearly a failed metaphor. When the beauty of human variation has been forced through binary tunnels for centuries, who we are has to make a choice as to whether or not to question imposed binaries and let oneself become observably nonconforming, without role models or a shared language.

It’s the conformist power structure that forces the human being to prune themselves or be pruned, or risk the consequences of noncompliance. The choice is whether or not to allow oneself to be who they know themselves to be—and no one should be forced to make that choice. Calling the decision to do so a choice is a cruel trivialization of a life-or-death ultimatum.

You have to understand that growth requires belonging, and belonging requires recognition. A child who is loved is recognized, every day. A child who is recognized accurately, every day, by their community, grows to understand themselves in community. Belonging to the whole community, a child learns what their strengths and frailties are; and the community learns how to reciprocate with that specific child.

On the other hand, a child who is viewed with mistrust because some characteristic does not conform to imposed role options is neglected. Even if they get their material needs met, a child that is not recognized misses out on growing up belonging. If the whole community fails to recognize them, without knowing it they have imposed a completely different growth arc, shaping that child indelibly. A community that knows no differently ascribes this different arc to the common deviation metric of the day—which never includes the complicity of the community, or the imperfection in the lens being used to observe it.

The community that recognizes the value of human variation to the well-being of the collective will be delighted with a child’s specific qualities, and growing up with a community that is delighted by your presence has consequences, for the better.

The community that has a narrow tolerance for human variation that deviates from a small set of imposed categories that don’t map well onto the human organism will have difficulty experiencing delight in their children’s growth. They may go so far as outsourcing child rearing en masse, raising children in environments with few real role models, and without the belonging that comes from recognition.

Delight is like a vitamin, depriving a child of real-time reciprocal delight has real consequences, not for the better.

In the wake of centuries of binary training that twists our nature into prescribed shapes, given a window of opportunity, what looks like a decision to choose a nonbinary gender, a sexual preference that’s not prescribed in the dominant origin story, or a relational orientation that deviates from the cultural median, is more like an acknowledgement than a choice.

Acknowledgement is a moment of recognition. It is the delight that we reflect back to our child through our eyes, that allows one’s inner light to grow alongside one’s outer presentation. It’s an acknowledgment that should never have been framed as a choice. That moment of acknowledgment should always be celebrated, and never trivialized as a choice from a menu made on a whim.